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Anyone who has a MAJOR problem with procrastination, such as myself, knows how tough it is when it comes to just sitting down and contiuing to write your book, or to start that day’s chunk of writing; you feel like you’re not aware enough of the rest of the story (if it’s a project that’s already in progress) it feels cold and alien, and the zone you were happily beavering away in the last time you were adding to your novel seems a million miles away. The main problem, of course, is that you’re not only trying to start writing out of nowhere (the literary equivalent of going 0-60) but you’re trying to do that whilst adding to a huge chunk of text that already exists. And if you’re starting your book or essay full stop, trying to find a way to begin, you can feel like your opening words won’t be good enough because you’re coming to it cold. It’s not always like this, of course, but there’s a lot of days where it is. On days like that, the way to solve the problem is to have a quick warm-up; it won’t solve the adding-onto-existing-text problem, but it certainly makes it feel a damn sight easier when your writing brain is prepped an ready. 

So how do you do it? For me, one of the bonuses I’ve found about writing this blog is that it works as an excellent warm up on days when I’m sat in front of the laptop and pissing around on Facebook instead of getting down to the job in hand. It gets the juices flowing before diving back into my latest undertaking, helping me get it nice and ready to sit unnoticed at the bottom of the Kindle store listings…(feeling rather bitter about failed free listings today.) So getting a blog going is one idea, even if it’s just a blog for random thoughts. Blogging is fun, and you never know who might be reading (the police, for one, so keep those thoughts clean.)

But here’s an excellent, excellent writing warm up for you; the wonderful onetwofiver.com , a small and simple website with a built in tool that works on a simple concept. To use their words:

“One Two Fiver is a series of stretches for warming up your writing muscles.

Start with a single word.

Type it like you mean it.

Now write two words.

Move on to five…

Keep typing until you are writing.”

It’s like’s an extended version of that old game where you take it in turns to say the next word in a sentence…except each time you keep saying more words. It sounds daft, but it is indescribably useful on those days where you just can’t seem to get started (on anything, not just writing fiction; it works equally well for bringing yourself to getting round to sending a lengthy complaint email to WWE for giving you horrendous seats for Wrestlemania without telling you that the view would be highly restricted….for example.) I highly recommend giving onetwofiver a go anytime you just can’t seem to get your A into G.

Whilst I’m here, I thought you might find it fun to see a sample of what I produced one of the times that I used it; admittedly I started with ‘Once’ because I knew I was going with ‘Once upon a time’, but once I got to ‘…there was a’ I added ‘Pig’ and away I went. Not really the way it’s supposed to be used, I know, and normally I start with just a random word and go from there, but this is the only one that I still have a copy of. I remembered that I’d copied all of the text and kept it for some reason (I liked it as a beginning and thought I might go somewhere with it eventually, just as a short story.) And if you’re REALLY bored, why not try and finish off the story and post your results below? I’d love to see them.

Your messages are always so kind.

Once upon a time there was a pig called Steve, unremarkable in appearance and manner, but reknowned amongst the other animals on the farm for being an all round likeable chap. Whenever, say, one of the lambs were worried about their first shearing, or one of the horses were concerned about the appearance of their coat, or the cockerel was feeling inadequate in his role as leader of poultry, all would come to Steve for a kind word, sage advice, or just to have a friendly pig’s ear to talk into.

And so it was in this manner that the farmhouse cat came to Steve one day, leaping up onto the wall of the pigsty and nervously clearing his throat. Unfortunately, this also caused the start of a hairball retch, but once he’d cleared it he regained his composure. The cat rarely deigned to put in an appearance with the farmyard animals; they thought him aloof, he secretly thought them uncultured, but there was no genuine malice between them. Even so, his appearance at the pigsty was a mild surprise, and all the pigs-including Steve-turned to look at him. Trying to look and sound casual, the cat spoke.

“Yes,” said the cat, feigning a casual air, “I…I’d like to talk to Steve please, if he has a minute?” The pigs all turned to look at Steve, who blushed slightly. It looked unusual on a pig.
“Um…of course,” replied Steve, finding himself feeling strangely nervous, “What’s the matter?” The cat didn’t respond at first, and instead just looked around, scratching at his neck in a manner that was supposed to look relaxed but actually just made him look even more furtive.
“Any chance,” said the cat finally, inspecting some unseen object in the middle distance and still not addressing Steve directly, “We could talk a little more privately, Steven?” Steve bristled slightly at this (easy for a pig) as he didn’t like being called Steven. It reminded him of his mother, long since taken away to what the animals called ‘The Happy Pasture.’
“Nope,” replied Steve, bolder now, “I think we’ll talk right here, actually.”