PS Have you seen my YouTube channel yet? Lots there now …
So, here are the TWELVE audiobooks nominated for Audiobook of the Year 2015. Stephen King, JK Rowling and WAIT OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT DOWN AT THE BOTTOM
For the love of God, if you’ve ever/never shared or voted or reviewed anything of mine … Click on the link below and vote (you can vote for three but fuck THAT, you vote for ONE) because this shit could change my life. And more importantly … can you share thisto FIVE PEOPLE you know who would vote too?
Can you help?
SMITHEREENS, NOW IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE. Ronson, though … I can’t see me beating Ronson. A big social media following. Ransom’s lot vs the Smithereens … you are the Spartans, Ronson is the persian army. Even though I like Ronson. #smitherdvsronson
My new novella, DO ANYTHING, is out on and is available for pre-order now on Amazon HERE … but how would like to get your grubby mitts on it THIS week?
Ok. Before we go any further forward, click on this link HERE to pre-order and read the blurb (YOU STILL NEED TO PRE-ORDER TO GET IT EARLY!) and then come back here to find out how you get a pre-release copy. AMAZON PRE-ORDER LINK, CLICK ON THIS TEXT TO PRE-ORDER!
Ok, welcome back. Now, that might enough for you. And that’s cool, I hope you enjoy the book when it comes out. However … having to wait until January 1st … do you REALLY wanna do that …? Well, here’s how you can get it within the next 7 DAYS!
Today I’m starting the official Luke Smitherd’s Premature Release Review Group. Now, there’s a little bit of an honour system involved here, as you’ll see, but let me explain how it works:
You sign up for the group at the REVIEW GROUP SIGN UP LINK. You’ll get sent the book three weeks early, pre-release, IN RETURN FOR A PROMISE THAT YOU LEAVE A STAR RATING ON AMAZON THE DAY THE BOOK COMES OUT. Now you may be thinking ‘Hang on Luke … I could just sign up to the group to get a free copy and then not actually pay for it?’ Weeeeeeeelll … no. Your review on Amazon will say if it’s a ‘Verified Purchase’ or not, so I’ll basically know if you’ve lied to get send a free copy. This would be stealing my work, because on this occasion I am NOT offering this book for free, and as a result you’ll be blacklisted from all future mails and pre-release offers. I don’t think any of you would actually be enough of a scumbag to do that, but obviously I have to be clear … So:
1. You pre-order the book using the link above.
2. You click on this link: REVIEW GROUP SIGN UP to sign up for the group, obviously. What that means is I, personally, will send you a copy of DO ANYTHING by the end of this week.
3. You’ll get a reminder email on release day to get your star rating up ON RELEASE DAY. That’s the whole point of this, to get the book launched in the best possible way, so reviews after release day kind of defeat the point …
This means hopefully that it creates a win/win system; you guys get the book early, and I get reviews from day one. What do you think? Let me know.
Received a fantastic email from a reader recently, one making a few points about how Andy’s dismissal of TSM as an ineffective alien invasion would actually be very, very wrong if things had gone a different way … here it is in its entirety. MAJOR SPOILER ALERTS if you haven’t read the book!
First off, I just basically inhaled The Stone Man and The Black Room on
my kindle over a few days. TSM was recommended to me after I read The
Martian by the Amazon AI and the reviews persuaded me and your devil’s
trick of including a bit of the next book at the end worked. I’ll rate
and review on Amazon, of course, but what really struck me reading them
back-to-back was the development of the writing between the two. TBR was
a much richer book, I felt, with themes threading through it and I felt
genuine empathy with the characters. Both were absolutely gripping and I
couldn’t put them down – thanks for the immense pleasure I got from both
However, I couldn’t help but pick up on something in TSM which I am
certain has been raised before (unless I was reading too fast and
misunderstood; entirely possible given how excited I was). As I
understand it, the Stone Men intend to take their target, extract the
body part, split it into two and create two new stone men. The
characters seemed pretty casual about this not being an invasion since
the population would grow and this would always be a relatively small
harvest compared with the population. I feel like the characters were
wrong about this because of exponential growth.
First visit: 1 stone man creates 2 more (we now have three)
Second visit: 3 stone men create 2 more each (OK, one failed, but let’s
just go with the ideal model) – we now have six new stone men, making a
total of 9
Third visit: Each of the 9 stone men make two more, so that’s 27
Fourth visit: 27 x 3 = 81
So you can see from the pattern that the number of stone men (in the
ideal scenario as far as they are concerned) trebles each visit. This
needs a little table:
Visit Total Stone Men After
n 3^n (three to the power n)
The problem with exponential growth is that it is fucking fast. It
starts off looking OK, but then it cuntifies. So at the end of visit 10
there will be 3x3x3x3x3x3x3x3x3x3 = 59 049 Stone Men. This is still
pretty small compared to the population of the UK, but how about after
3^15 = 14.3 million. That’s a big chunk.
18 visits? – 387 million. We’ve run out of British people. 20 visits
wipes out half the world’s population.
Anyway, I’m a maths teacher and I go back to work tomorrow. My holiday
has obviously been too long so I feel the need to explain maths to
whoever, including an author who probably heard this all already or
thought of it himself. So apologies if this wasted good writing time.
Anyway, I bloody loved the books. Keep it up.”
To celebrate the release of my first self-narrated audiobook, THE BLACK ROOM, PART ONE (Part Two is also up, and three and four and The Man On Table Ten are being processed as we speak) here’s the sound of me getting angrier and angrier as I keep screwing up! Apologies for all the swearing. Check the books out on Audible.com!
Or rather, how to find some fantastic tips on how to increase your writing output.
This says it all.
Hey guys. I’ve been working on a lot of things … expect regular stuff on here now. Trust me
Stuff like this! One of those things I’ve been busy with is coming to fruition. I’m very excited to announce the upcoming audiobook of The Stone Man, read by the excellent Matt Addis and featuring an all-new afterword read by me … so how about a teaser sample? Check it out!
Sorry it’s been a bit quiet here on the website for a while … but it’s because I’ve been WRITING! And the new book is out THIS SUNDAY! It’s called A HEAD FULL OF KNIVES, and here’s the blurb:
Martin Hogan is being watched, all of the time. He just doesn’t know it yet.
It started a long time ago, too, even before his wife died. Before he started walking every day. Before the walks became an attempt to find a release from the whirlwind that his brain has turned into.
He never walks alone, of course, although his 18 month old son and his faithful dog, Scoffer, aren’t the greatest conversationalists.
Then the walks become longer. Then the other dog starts showing up. The big white one, with the funny looking head. The one that sits and watches Martin and his family as they walk away.
All over the world, the first attacks begin. The Brotherhood of the Raid make their existence known; a leaderless group who randomly and inexplicably assault both strangers and loved ones without explanation.
Martin and the surviving members of his family are about to find that these events are connected. Caught at the centre of the world as it changes beyond recognition, Martin will be faced with a series of impossible choices … but how can an ordinary and broken man figure out the unthinkable? What can he possibly do with a head full of knives?
Luke Smitherd (author of the Amazon bestseller THE STONE MAN and THE BLACK ROOM series) asks you once again to consider what you would do in his latest unusual and original novel. A HEAD FULL OF KNIVES will not only change the way you look at your pets forever, but will force you to decide the fate of the world when it lies in your hands.
Out Sunday May 11th!