My New Novel, KILL SOMEONE, out December 6th

Hello folks. My new full-length novel, Kill Someone, comes out on December 6th in all formats, and is available for pre-order now. Here’s the blurb:

“From the author of the international best-seller The Stone Man, shortlisted for Audible UK’s Book of the Year Award 2015

Here are the rules.

Method: you can’t use a gun. You can’t use explosives. You can’t use poison. It has to be up close and personal. You don’t have to worry about leaving evidence; that will be taken care of.
Victim: no one suicidal. No one over the age of 65. No one with a terminal illness.

Choose your method. Choose your victim.

Chris Summer was a 21 year old call centre worker and a drop out. A nobody, still living at home with his parents. Then one day the Man in White came to his family’s house, offering a seemingly impossible choice: kill a random stranger – one of Chris’ choosing – within twelve days in order to save the lives of five kidnapped siblings. Refuse, and they die slowly and painfully. The clock is ticking, the Man in White is watching, and Chris has some very important choices to make.

This is a tale of fear, indecision, confused masculinity and brutal violence; a story of a coddled young man thrust into a world of sharp metal and bone.
Ask yourself if you could do it. Then ask yourself who you would choose.”

Sound interesting? No? Oh. Well… uh, goodbye then. Sorry. But for those of you who are still here, here is the pre-order link so you can go and buy your copy now, and the book will automatically appear on launch day on your device! I love the future!

But… how would you like to get the book not only three weeks before the release date, but for free? (If you’re a long-time Smithereen, you’ll know what’s coming next, but… if you were in the last Premature Release group, you need to sign up again. I’ll explain that in a second, but first:)

If you sign up to Luke Smitherd’s Even More All-New Premature Release Review Group at the link below, you will get a copy of Kill Someone three weeks before it officially comes out. All I ask in return is that you promise to leave me a review on launch day, and send me a screen grab or a photo of your review (and yes, you get a reminder email on the day so that you don’t forget ;-)) There’s a better explanation of the rules on the sign up link below, but that’s pretty much it. Either way, you can have a read before you decide to sign up. Were you already on the last list? That’s great, but, um… I managed to delete everybody’s Amazon Reviewer names from my files, which were vital. So I’ve had to start a new group. Current reviewer group members will be getting an email explaining that they need to sign up again too, so watch out for that (sorrysorrysorrysorry).

Important point: I’ve been asked this a few times by review group members in the past, so I’ll say it here: a lot of you want to ‘support the cause’ so to speak. Thank you. Some people say they want to pay (thank you) and so don’t join the early review group. Guys! You can do both! Even if you pre-order you can still sign up for the Premature Release group, and you’ll still get the book early in return for a launch day review. This is, obviously, the ideal situation for me, but don’t feel in any way guilty if you just wanna get it free. The launch day review system worked really well last time and I’m very grateful to all the people that kept up their end of the bargain.

So here are your links. Take whatever action you deem appropriate, and thank you for being a part of my team! Probably not a good idea to mention any association with me when in a job interview, or under ‘interests’ on a CV/resume. They haul you away for that sh*t.

PS the podcast it still going by the way. Are You Sure? with Smitherd and Shaw. Check us out on whatever podcast platform you use. We’re funny.

How To Be A Vigilante: A Diary is now OUT!

How To Be A Vigilante Kindle Cover

In the late 1990s, a laptop was found in a service station just outside of Manchester. It contained a digital journal entitled ‘TO THE FINDER: OPEN NOW TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!’ Now, for the first time, that infamous diary is being published in its entirety.

It’s 1998. The internet age is still in its infancy. Google has just been founded. Eighteen year old supermarket shelf-stacker Nigel Carmelite has decided that he’s going to become a vigilante.
There are a few problems: how is he going to even find crime to fight on the streets of Derbyshire? How will he create a superhero costume – and an arsenal of crime-fighting weaponry – on a shoestring budget? And will his history of blackouts and crippling social inadequacy affect his chances?
This is Nigel’s account of his journey; part diary, part deluded self-help manual, tragically comic and slowly descending into what is arguably Luke Smitherd’s darkest and most violent novel.
What do you believe in? And more importantly …should you?

Praise for Luke Smitherd’s writing:
“For me there is no greater joy than seeing an artist excel at his craft … you’ll be blown away by the abundance of ideas.” – Ain’t It Cool
Available in all formats, get your copy using the links below! 🙂
Universal Amazon link:

Audible UK:
Audible USA:

Want to get ‘How To Be A Vigilante: A Diary’ a month early?

How To Be A Vigilante Kindle Cover

Yep, my new novel How To Be A Vigilante: A Diary (although technically its my very first novel) is available for pre-order on Amazon now by clicking here! It will then be automatically beamed to your Kindle when its released on September 14th. So go pre-order now! Waaaaaah!

But wait …of course, you can just do that. Of course you could. But …how would you not only like to get it a month earlier than the release date, but for free?

All you need to do is click on the link below to sign up to my all-new Luke’s Smitherd’s All-New Premature Release Review Group. That’s right, the old group has been dismantled for reasons that will be explained when you click on the link (don’t worry, you can read them before you decide sign up or not; the link just takes you through to a rules and reviewer info page.) The rules are a bit stricter this time because a few people took advantage last time, sadly, but in a nutshell what you need to agree to do is this: read the book, and put up a review on September 14th. In return, I’ll send you an advance review copy of the book to read, absolutely free.


Q and A:

1. Yes, if you’re already a member of the old group, you have to sign up to the new group to take part.Sorry. There’s a reason why and it’s on the rules page too.
2. People often ask if they can pay when they get a free review copy; of course you can. Just click on the pre-order link above to buy the book, and I’ll still send you your copy early if you join the review group.
3. Yes, if you join the group and don’t keep up your end of the bargain, you will be banned from the mailing list and any future offers. I really, really hate to talk about stuff like that but if you did that I would consider it theft, and you, a cad.
4. Of course, if you just want to pre-order and are happy to wait until September 14th, you absolutely can! Just click on the pre-order link at the top of the email, or here! 🙂
5. Audiobook guys: sorry, but i can’t send you an early audiobook version I’m afraid. However, once it comes out, there will be free download codes going around in exchange for reviews. More on that nearer the time.

Either way: a new full-length novel is on its way very soon folks. I hope you’re as excited about my massive built-up release as I am.*

*pffft ….pffft ….bwahahahahahahaha!!!!

I’m Being Published.

Ok, it’s all been signed off and confirmed and so now I can officially announce the big bit of news that I’ve been hinting at.

I’m being published.

Audible are actually going to produce and publish the audiobook of KILL SOMEONE. ANYONE. An advance has been agreed and, more importantly, they’re going to be marketing it. That last part, as you perhaps already realise, is absolutely huge to someone like me who has only had themselves – as well as some of you guys who really help spread the word, and recently Joanne Giovenco whose I would like to publicly thank for her invaluable help, as well as Laurence and Henna at Audible and of course Sophie at ACX – to try and get the books in front of people. 

If this interests you the next questions probably are: when’s it coming out, and who is going to be doing the voiceover? The honest answers are 1. Not 100% sure but probably November I should think, as production time is roughly two months. 2. I don’t know. It might be me, but while I’ll be being consulted about it the final decision for that lies with them. It’s a small concession for me to make, and I trust their judgement.

The good news for this is also that I can schedule a simultaneous Amazon and Audible release for not only that book but HOW TO BE A VIGILANTE: A DIARY as well.

All release dates will be confirmed soon, and pre-orders will be possible too. Those of you who want to join the launch team (advance copies in exchange for launch day reviews) get on the mailing list.

For those of you who have spread the word and left your reviews, thank you so much. If you hadn’t made noise, this never would have happened.

A Major Competition and a New Audiobook!

Tales of the unusual


Yes, the above audiobook is on its way very soon, as in hopefully-in-about-six-weeks soon. But you know what? That’s not the main reason I’m talking about this today.

Here’s the main reason: how would you like to get a book from me that is the only one of its kind in the world?

Once the novel I’ve been writing in parts for my Patreon subscribers – Kill Someone. Anyone – is finished, I’ll be preparing it for publication for the masses, and I want as many people as possible to know about it. So I had an idea for achieving that, and offering you guys a very unique prize for helping me do so.

Firstly, let me tell you what you can win.

Not only signed paperback copies of every single one of my paperback books – The Physics of the Dead, In The Darkness That’s Were I’ll Know You, A Head Full Of Knives, Weird. Dark.,  an upcoming secret novel (but more on that in a future email) and of course Caementum himself – but … the first ever print copy of Kill Someone. Anyone, signed by my good self.

And you know what? That’s not even the main bit.

The rest of the Tales of the Unusual series – Do Anything (Closure and Your Name Is In The Book) He Waits (He Waits and Keep Your Children Close)  and the mailing list signup story The Jesus Loophole are going to be released as a collected audio book (that you see at the top of this email) called, unsurprisingly, Tales of the Unusual.

While it will be getting audiobook release very soon, it will never be available to the public in print form.

There will, however, be ONE print copy that exists in the world …and it’ll be the winner of this competition that gets it. Signed too, of course.

So that’s all of my print novels (including the two upcoming, as-yet unreleased ones) printed and signed, including the first ever print copy of KSA (signed) and a print copy of Tales of the Unusual that no one else will ever own, also signed. Sound good? I hope so, it’s gonna cost me a fortune to post. So …how do you win it? I’ll tell you.

I want to get more people onto my mailing list, and I want you to help me. 

So I thought about what I could offer that would be really unique and special as a prize for doing so, and I came up with this.

Ok. Think about people you know who a: are readers, and b: who you think would like my stuff. Picturing them right now? Got ’em? Good. Then, if you want to have a go at winning this, what you do is forward them the below link, which contains the usual mailing list signup form with a very important addition: a box where they can add the name of the person who referred them. That way, I know who the signup came from.
The person who gets the most signups/completed referrals wins the bundle mentioned above!
Second and third place runners-up get a signed copy of Kill Someone. Anyone!
It’s that simple. A few important things to remember here:

1. Don’t just send an email to everyone in your address book. They won’t like it, and it’ll just create signups of people who have no interest in books anyway. Really think about who might actually want a free story at least (as all mailing list signups get The Jesus Loophole upon signup now).
2. Add a message to your email explaining why you’re doing it – as they’ll be more likely to help you – and tell  them that, of course, they get a free story for signing up. “Hey, if you signup to this mailing list which hardly ever emails, you’d be helping me out and you’d be getting a free story from this writer I think you’ll like for your trouble.” That kind of thing.

You may be wondering why I’m going to this trouble. Well, it’s because I have these new novels/audiobooks on the way and I want to really give them the best possible shot. More to come on those very soon …

So, if you want a chance of winning, here’s the link to forward to your reader friends (that’s your reader friends!) Closing date for the competition (and your chance to win a pretty nice bundle including a book that no one else will ever own!) is July 26th. Good luck!

Here’s the specific mailing list sign-up link to copy and forward (although add an explanation or they’ll just wonder what the heck it is):

My New Podcast! (And Matt Shaw’s)


Out now on iTunes, Stitcher, and Soundcloud, the podcast ‘Are You Sure? with Smitherd and Shaw’ is available for download, consumption, and general enjoyment. Each week we dissect the pros and cons of the minor issues, as well as regular features Transatlantic Swearing and It’ll Never Work. Check it out and (of course!) leave a review on your platform of choice. I’m really proud of it, and if I say so myself I think you’ll find it at least marginally funny. Here are all the links below:







Here’s me being interviewed again on the wireless, courtesy of the good people at BBC Coventry and Warwickshire, during the time of my recent nomination for Audiobook of the Year. I didn’t win; surprise surprise, JK Rowling did …not that I’m bitter or anything. I just wanted to say a huge thank you to all the people that DID vote for me. I really, really appreciate it, and the nomination itself was a huge deal. Anyway, suffice to say, the voting has now closed, but here’s me frantically promoting my ass off on the BBC. See if YOU can hear the desperation in my voice.

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