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So, here are the TWELVE audiobooks nominated for Audiobook of the Year 2015. Stephen King, JK Rowling and WAIT OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT DOWN AT THE BOTTOM

For the love of God, if you’ve ever/never shared or voted or reviewed anything of mine … Click on the link below and vote (you can vote for three but fuck THAT, you vote for ONE) because this shit could change my life. And more importantly … can you share thisto FIVE PEOPLE you know who would vote too?

Can you help?

SMITHEREENS, NOW IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE. Ronson, though … I can’t see me beating Ronson. A big social media following. Ransom’s lot vs the Smithereens … you are the Spartans, Ronson is the persian army. Even though I like Ronson. ‪#‎smitherdvsronson‬



New book DO ANYTHING out January 1st 2016… but here’s how you can get it THIS WEEK!

Do Anything 72 Pixels

My new novella, DO ANYTHING, is out on  and is available for pre-order now on Amazon HERE … but how would like to get your grubby mitts on it THIS week?

Sound good?

Ok. Before we go any further forward, click on this link HERE to pre-order and read the blurb (YOU STILL NEED TO PRE-ORDER TO GET IT EARLY!) and then come back here to find out how you get a pre-release copy. AMAZON PRE-ORDER LINK, CLICK ON THIS TEXT TO PRE-ORDER!

Ok, welcome back. Now, that might enough for you. And that’s cool, I hope you enjoy the book when it comes out. However … having to wait until January 1st … do you REALLY wanna do that …? Well, here’s how you can get it within the next 7 DAYS!

Today I’m starting the official Luke Smitherd’s Premature Release Review Group. Now, there’s a little bit of an honour system involved here, as you’ll see, but let me explain how it works:
You sign up for the group at the REVIEW GROUP SIGN UP LINK. You’ll get sent the book three weeks early, pre-release, IN RETURN FOR A PROMISE THAT YOU LEAVE A STAR RATING ON AMAZON THE DAY THE BOOK COMES OUT. Now you may be thinking ‘Hang on Luke … I could just sign up to the group to get a free copy and then not actually pay for it?’ Weeeeeeeelll … no. Your review on Amazon will say if it’s a ‘Verified Purchase’ or not, so I’ll basically know if you’ve lied to get send a free copy. This would be stealing my work, because on this occasion I am NOT offering this book for free, and as a result you’ll be blacklisted from all future mails and pre-release offers. I don’t think any of you would actually be enough of a scumbag to do that, but obviously I have to be clear … 😉 So:

1. You pre-order the book using the link above.
2. You click on this link: REVIEW GROUP SIGN UP to sign up for the group, obviously. What that means is I, personally, will send you a copy of DO ANYTHING by the end of this week.
3. You’ll get a reminder email on release day to get your star rating up ON RELEASE DAY. That’s the whole point of this, to get the book launched in the best possible way, so reviews after release day kind of defeat the point …

This means hopefully that it creates a win/win system; you guys get the book early, and I get reviews from day one. What do you think? Let me know.


The Stone Man and Maths

Received a fantastic email from a reader recently, one making a few points about how Andy’s dismissal of TSM as an ineffective alien invasion would actually be very, very wrong if things had gone a different way … here it is in its entirety. MAJOR SPOILER ALERTS if you haven’t read the book!


First off, I just basically inhaled The Stone Man and The Black Room on
my kindle over a few days. TSM was recommended to me after I read The
Martian by the Amazon AI and the reviews persuaded me and your devil’s
trick of including a bit of the next book at the end worked. I’ll rate
and review on Amazon, of course, but what really struck me reading them
back-to-back was the development of the writing between the two. TBR was
a much richer book, I felt, with themes threading through it and I felt
genuine empathy with the characters. Both were absolutely gripping and I
couldn’t put them down – thanks for the immense pleasure I got from both
of them.

However, I couldn’t help but pick up on something in TSM which I am
certain has been raised before (unless I was reading too fast and
misunderstood; entirely possible given how excited I was). As I
understand it, the Stone Men intend to take their target, extract the
body part, split it into two and create two new stone men. The
characters seemed pretty casual about this not being an invasion since
the population would grow and this would always be a relatively small
harvest compared with the population. I feel like the characters were
wrong about this because of exponential growth.

First visit: 1 stone man creates 2 more (we now have three)
Second visit: 3 stone men create 2 more each (OK, one failed, but let’s
just go with the ideal model) – we now have six new stone men, making a
total of 9
Third visit: Each of the 9 stone men make two more, so that’s 27
Fourth visit: 27 x 3 = 81

So you can see from the pattern that the number of stone men (in the
ideal scenario as far as they are concerned) trebles each visit. This
needs a little table:

Visit Total Stone Men After
1 3
2 3×3=9
3 3x3x3=27
4 3x3x3x3=81
5 3x3x3x3x3=243

n 3^n (three to the power n)

The problem with exponential growth is that it is fucking fast. It
starts off looking OK, but then it cuntifies. So at the end of visit 10
there will be 3x3x3x3x3x3x3x3x3x3 = 59 049 Stone Men. This is still
pretty small compared to the population of the UK, but how about after
15 visits?

3^15 = 14.3 million. That’s a big chunk.

18 visits? – 387 million. We’ve run out of British people. 20 visits
wipes out half the world’s population.

Anyway, I’m a maths teacher and I go back to work tomorrow. My holiday
has obviously been too long so I feel the need to explain maths to
whoever, including an author who probably heard this all already or
thought of it himself. So apologies if this wasted good writing time.
Anyway, I bloody loved the books. Keep it up.”

Audiobooks – read by me – out NOW!

To celebrate the release of my first self-narrated audiobook, THE BLACK ROOM, PART ONE (Part Two is also up, and three and four and The Man On Table Ten are being processed as we speak) here’s the sound of me getting angrier and angrier as I keep screwing up! Apologies for all the swearing. Check the books out on Audible.com!

The Stone Man: The Audiobook!

Hey guys. I’ve been working on a lot of things … expect regular stuff on here now. Trust me 😀

Stuff like this! One of those things I’ve been busy with is coming to fruition. I’m very excited to announce the upcoming audiobook of The Stone Man, read by the excellent Matt Addis and featuring an all-new afterword read by me … so how about a teaser sample? Check it out!

Whaddya know? One Has Been Jolly Well Interviewed … AGAIN!

Hi folks, it seems several Smithereens (this is actually catching. I. Do. Not. Believe. It) on the Luke Smitherd Book Stuff Facebook Page are emailing about not hearing the interview that they missed with me on BBC Coventry and Warwickshire today (well, yesterday, as it’s nearly 2am here but I’m not in bed yet). In particular, my American readers who were only just waking up when it was on, especially as I didn’t mention anything about it online before it happened.

Well, fret no more, because here it is in it’s entirety. Don’t expect any searing insights into the creative process, or tips on self-publishing; it’s very light, very fluffy, and probably focuses more on the ‘tribute act’ element of my day (night) job than the books, but for those of you that may be wondering what I sound like, it’s all here. You also get to hear me do an American/Canadian accent that drops badly in and out as I begin to wonder what the hell I’m supposed to be saying. Either way, I’m very grateful to the good people of BBC Coventry and Warwickshire for having me on anf for giving me a chance to plug my stuff to their audience. I enjoyed doing it. See what you think:


The Stone Man just got a very nice review from aintitcoolnews.com, and just in time for the paperback release. Click on the image below to read it; they say some lovely things about me. Very flattering, and pretty exciting too, as this is my first proper media review. Chuffed to bits! 🙂



Hi folks,

It’s been a while since I updated the blog, but I’ve been preparing to give the entire website an overhaul whilst working feverishly on book promotion, as well as preparing for the PAPERBACK LAUNCH of TSM on November 12th. As a part of that, here’s a link to the new trailer for The Stone Man; I’d be very interested to hear from people who have read the book, and get their opinion on whether or not this captures the tone of the book/sells it correctly.


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