Here’s an old post I put on my old Facebook page a few years back; it might make you laugh and explain the concept of proper chobbing to you, if you don’t already get it. Remember: there’s a very key difference between just watching bad films and proper chobbing. Read on.

My Top Ten Chobbing Films Of All Time.
by Luke Smitherd (Notes) on Wednesday, September 23, 2009 at 5:06pm

…well, today’s list, anyway. I’ve done this pretty much on the fly, and I’m sure I’ll look at it tomorrow and go ‘What was I THINKING?!’ but here it is. These are not just the selection of memorable chobs (otherwise In The Mouth Of Madness and The Kiss would be in there) but chobbing films that I look back on and think ‘Ah…that’s a great chobbing film.’

If you don’t know what chobbing is, it’s hard to explain, but the best way I can put it is there’s watching proper, quality, well-made films and then there’s chobbing. Chobbing cannot be performed solo, and due to the nature of the films involved, picking a quality chobbing film is hard (because the film itself really shouldn’t be quality.)

A common mistake is to get a shit film and think you can just laugh at how shit it is. This isn’t true. You will not find it funny or entertaining because it will be fucking boring. Plus, a chobbing film doesn’t necessarily have to BE shit, just a bit daft and over-the-top (see: Total Recall, Mortal Kombat, TimeCop.) The first key to a truly great chobber-from multiplex international releases to straight to DVD low budget efforts-is a distinct lack of logic or effort on the part of the filmmakers, and any other icing (poor acting, cliched dialogue and characters, hilarious deaths, and ridiculous character decisions) is a bonus. The second (and for the me, the most important of all, no matter what the chobbing film) is PACE. If it’s cheap and crap and badly acted,this won’t actually be so-bad-it’s-good, it’ll just be dull, dull, dull. BUT if it rattles along nicely, you will have a great chob; so-bad-it’s-good only works if the pace stops you getting bogged down in the shitness. If the Paceometer is through the floor the wrong way, you are in for a poor time.

Generally, horror, sci-fi, and martial arts films are your best bet.

So, to help you get started, here’s a sample of my current Top Ten Chobbing Films Of All Time, in no particular order. If I’ve forgotten any honourable mentions, do tell me:

1.Braindead (Believe or not, the director went on to become Peter ‘Lord Of The Rings’ Jackson. Paceometer off the charts.)

2.King Of The Kickboxers (“Wha..what are you guys waiting for?!” Enter Billy Blanks. “They’re waiting for ME!!”)
3.Bloodfight (“Wow…with these moves, I could kick the shit out of anybody!” Yes, this is a real film.)
4.Total Recall (“You gotta lotta nerve showing your face round here!” “LOOK WHOOOS TAR-KING…”)
5.Kickboxer (“Yeah…yeah, I’m a great dancer…”)
6.Bloodsport (“Nonono, it’s ‘Dux’)
7.No Retreat, No Surrender (“Chi…equals POWER!!” As Bruce Lee’s ghost one-inch punches our young hero across the room.)
8.Predator (Take your pick. Awesome, awesome, awesome, 80s sci-fi machofest, fantastically paced, steadily growing sense of doom, more one-liners than you can shake a stick at, classic villain, and a criminally overlooked orchestral score. This shouldn’t really be in here as it is, in my opinion, a classic of the genre, but it’s a fucking great chobber none the less.
9.Ring (The japanese original. Again, too great a film to be in here, but every now and then a chobber should bite you in the ass as you think ‘Ha, ha, this will be shit and funny!’ but it actually scares the living piss out of you. This entry could also be replaced with John Carpenter’s Prince Of Darkness, the film that scared me more than any other movie ever has before or since, none even coming close. It made me feel like I was doomed. I didn’t sleep. The trailer doesn’t do it justice at ALL…)
10.Tales From The Darkside (Still the funniest screen death ever for me, when the guy’s mate gets   killed at the start of the gargoyle story. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH-“(slice.)

So, there you have it. Get some friends, some booze, some food, and rent any of the above for a great chob.

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